The burden we bear is heavy. Yet, I still want to be someone who smiles.

abandonment

2010-06-20T11:08:00.002-04:00

it seems like i'm leaving you, my beauty of a blog.
the new baby is surgesurge-surge.tumblr.com

i hope i can come back eventually with fond memories of our latenight love.

i get high at night.

2010-06-12T00:42:00.002-04:00

Because you and I

do not need a fairy tale.

Dwarves or poisoned apples

I'll make you mine

with or without

fate,

destiny,

and

fairy godmothers

atop the shining,

shimmering,

splendid,

sparkle, sparkle hilltops,

I'll build our

pig pen.

maid cafes and creepers

2010-06-11T03:27:00.001-04:00

If no one noes yet, anime club just had it's (first in 2 years) maid cafe/festival. Yay.....
Yeah, I'm not too pumped.
I was in a DRESS. That was TOO FUCKING SHORT because according to Amy I'm suddenly SKINNY (which I'm not. Obviously.) and it bunched up and lifted a good 3+ inches in the back.
Yeah. If I MANAGED to bend over I would've exposed myself. JOY.

I was in the bathroom for a good 10 mins before deciding just to change out in the open... -__-
It was a weird experience. Kinda.
And Vionna and I bashed heads. XD

ANYWAYSS~
If you haven't read Amy's blog post yet...well, u phail.
We (meaning me, amy, chrissy, & kevin) went to IPPUDOOOOO <333 and got some ramen.
Kevin & Amy ended up getting Tori (ITS TORI AMY. NOT...TIRO OR W/E) and chrissy got shoyuuuuu and me gots miso. ^^
According to Amy the place was "romantic". Psssh, you would know romantic if it hit you in the face and started hip thrusting.
ANYWAYS. Afterwards, we ended up walking in the rain [ruining my hair AND makeup, mind u.]
I had to put my hair into a TOPKNOT.
A TOPKNOT I TELLS U.

ugh. w/e.
Its 4 in the morning and i still cant sleep.
Imma be mad bitchy tomorrow. Most likely because of this stupid thing called a hanover

Idiots.

2010-06-02T22:53:00.002-04:00

Really, I'm a fun person. I ENJOY being nice to people (with the occasional slap). I hate having unnecessary fights and hateful conversations but SOME DAYS I just hate things. Like today for example.
I really shouldn't even be posting about this on here but I just really am not in the mood to hold in stupid fucked up feelings.
Lets just say Person A likes Person B. Person B likes Person C. And Person C likes some insignificant bug who shall be Person D even though he isn't going to show up in this stupid post of a story.
And lets just say I'm friends with (some of) these pathetic people.
.
.
.
How do I say I feel like throwing up without sounding like a bitch?
Yeah. I feel like upchucking all over that asswipe's face.

...I'm not gonna even elaborate on this anymore.
I'll just sound like some bitch.

PS.
Today was Tolerance Day.
I wrote "I want my parents to get a divorce."
Someone told me that I was a depressing bitch.
I decked her.
I went home.
And showed my mother my "extra-credit assignment".
Just to see her reaction.
She cried.
So did I.

THE Most Religious Thing I've Thought For A Good 5 Yrs

2010-05-27T22:29:00.001-04:00

Sometimes I wonder what color my soul is. I hope that it's the color of heaven.

Right now is pretty depressing. I'm gonna need hugs tomorrow. (Long hugs day~)

its a meme baby

2010-05-23T22:08:00.001-04:00

Bold what's in your bedroom

1. A hamper
2. A calendar
3. A band poster
4. Art projects
5. Barcode sticker
6. Poster/picture I had since I was little
7. Some Halloween decorations
8. A lamp with a funky lamp shade
9. A twin size bed
10. Some burned CDs
11. Dead flowers
12. An alarm clock
13. A jewelry box
14. A desk
15. A laptop
16. Some old recipes
17. Shoprite coupon
18. White out
19. Digital camera
20. Unicorn figurine
21. Post-it notes
22. Soup can converted into a pencil holder
23. Pencils
24. Pens
25. Lots of books
26. Manga
27. Car keys
28. House keys
29. Cork board
30. Lots of keychains
31. Magazines
32. Clothes
33. Hair products
34. A straightener
35. Pillows
36. A television
37. A VCR/DVD player
38. VHS tapes
39. DVDs
40. A boxset to a television series
41. Something from Egypt
42. Money from different countries
43. Subway sub wrapper
44. EasyBake oven
45. Backpack
46. Scarf
47. Shoes
48. Notes from friends
49. Holiday gifts I haven’t sorted through yet
50. Money
51. Hair dye
52. A ruler
53. My diary
54. Book of my poems
55. Packing tape
56. Condoms
57. Dead batteries
58. Contact lens solution
59. Glitter lamp
60. Lava lamp
61. Scissors
62. Perfume
63. Sunscreen
64. Stationary
65. A drawing model
66. My Little Ponies
67. A disposable camera
68. Incense burner
69. Incense
70. School textbooks
71. Sailor Moon memorabilia
72. A mirror
73. Ceiling fan
74. Glasses
75. Blacklight posters
76. Bank book
77. Business cards
78. Gloves
79. Candy
80. Fortune cookie fortunes
81. Bumper stickers
82. CD player
83. Temporary tattoos
84. Planners
85. Folders
86. Notebooks
87. Old birthday/holiday/etc. cards
88. Tape
89. Markers
90. Stapler
91. Lined paper
92. Blank paper
93. Roll of undeveloped film
94. Picture frame
95. Awards
96. Flashlight
97. Hair clips
98. Trollz dolls
99. Ferrero Rocher chocolate
100. Shipping boxes/envelopes
101. Bags/boxes for gifts
102. Tissue paper
103. Rug
104. Fake flowers
105. Fake bugs
106. Ear plugs
107. Dream catcher
108. Magic 8 ball
109. Locker mirror
110. Ear muffs
111. Winter coat
112. Slippers
113. Hand sanitizer
114. Outlet
115. Tiger stuffed toy
116. Sewing machine
117. Hello Kitty stuff
118. Old cell phones
119. Lighter
120. Good memories

2010-05-15T15:35:00.001-04:00

Cute Purikura Online cute

Day 07

2010-05-08T01:18:00.002-04:00

Day 07 — A photo that makes you happy

raaape~

fourfivesix

2010-05-07T21:55:00.002-04:00

Since I forgot day four and I'm a day behind the other lollipops~
.
.
.
.
.
.
ALL THREE ARE IN ONE!~ ;D

Day 04 — Your favorite book
My CURRENT fave would be Scott Westerfeld's Leviathan
me likes me steampunk~

I'm waiting for the sequel to come outttt~

Day 05 — Your favorite quote
I hated school. I don't trust anybody who looks back on the years from 14 to 18 with any enjoyment. If you liked being a teenager, there's something really wrong with you.
-Stephen King

teehee ^^

Day 06 — Whatever tickles your fancy
ur ass tickles my fancy.

day 3

2010-05-05T05:02:00.002-04:00

Favorite TV Program

ugh harddd cause I barely watch tv anymore but I always look foward to watching Booones <3

teehee~

DAY 2 YALL

2010-05-04T06:38:00.002-04:00

I hate how I'm ONE day late...
anywaysss

Day 02 — Your favorite movie
Silence of the Lambs has always been my favorite film evar. Other ppl don't like it much tho TT^TT

lovelyyy

(A Late) 30 Day Challenge

2010-05-03T05:54:00.002-04:00

today imma copy shinru and connie. ^^
lets hope i remember to come back every day to update with a new post.

Day 01 — Your favorite song

FAVORITE SONG EVAR will always be Nakashima Mika's Yuki no Hana
I herd this back in 2005/6? and I fell in LURVE.
Its been covered by like 3(?) ppl so far and this is still my absolute fave. (even though Park Hyo Shin is friggin AWESOME SAUCE covered in more AWESOME SAUCE.)
WHY I can't get a proper MV is news to me but the only thing i could find were covers (BLEGH). Doesn't do her justice.

MEH. Anyways~ Park Hyo Shin's covaaar from when he was...younger >.>

Day 02 — Your favorite movie
Day 03 — Your favorite television program
Day 04 — Your favorite book
Day 05 — Your favorite quote
Day 06 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 07 — A photo that makes you happy
Day 08 — A photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 09 — A photo you took
Day 10 — A photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 — A photo of you taken recently
Day 12 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 13 — A fictional book
Day 14 — A non-fictional book
Day 15 — A fanfic
Day 16 — A song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 — An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)
Day 18 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 19 — A talent of yours
Day 20 — A hobby of yours
Day 21 — A recipe
Day 22 — A website
Day 23 — A YouTube video
Day 24 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 25 — Your day, in great detail
Day 26 — Your week, in great detail
Day 27 — This month, in great detail
Day 28 — This year, in great detail
Day 29 — Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 — Whatever tickles your fancy

geud MORNINGGG

2010-05-03T05:47:00.004-04:00

On days when I happen to be doing projects all night, I happen to get supper gewd ideas to write and sooooo.....awesome shtuff is BORN!

teehee.

Anywayssss, this is a Nabari no O ficcie because nabari is pwetty and awesome and sad and beautiful and Yoite is too beautiful to be a human. [Cries cause Nabari brings up bad memories of crying like a annoying baby when watching the series. Nabari is HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. :') ]

So ON TO THE FANFIC.

ps. it's pure fluffy yummyness

Cloud Watching

"There's a sort of elephant…"

"Yeah, I see it. And just above its trunk, there's a bird spreading its wings. See? It's taking flight off the elephant."

"Mmm…"

Miharu had never gone cloud watching with another person. Actually, he'd never really gone cloud watching at all, in the sense that most people thought of it. Plenty of times, he'd simply stared up at the white fluffy formations of condensated water droplets, walking home or in class, but he'd never actually tried to pick out shapes.

He decided that it was really pretty relaxing, lying on his back like this at the top of a grassy hill just outside of the town of Banten. Certainly it was comfortable, and perhaps even a little fun.

What was almost funny was the shapes that could be picked out, most especially by Yoite. The older boy had an interesting point of view, and an imagination that Miharu wouldn't really have expected of him.

Of course, Miharu couldn't comment, since he himself also had some interesting ideas. Case in point.

The elephant-shape the other had brought up reminded Miharu more of a donkey, actually, but at least they both saw the bird; it was really clear.

"What do you think that one looks like? The one to your right," Yoite asked now, pointing almost straight up but a little to the left. Miharu craned his neck to see where the older teen was indicating; as they were basically lying with the tops of their heads nearly touching, in opposite directions, directions were reversed.

Miharu thought about the particular cloud for several seconds, then said abruptly, "It looks like Yukimi-san's computer."

Yoite turned his head to the side and back, bemusement written on his features. "Yukimi's computer?"

"Yes," Miharu said firmly. "Just like it."

He also leaned his head back to look upside-down at his companion, trying to smile naturally and finding it not so hard to pull off. "Doesn't it, though?" You can see the mouse, the screen, the keyboard…"

Yoite's lips twitched, before he turned his eyes back to the partly cloudy sky overhead. "Now that you mention it… and the one next to it could be a leopard about to pounce upon it."

Miharu felt a smile creeping up on his lips without his bidding, and banished it. "I see it. Maybe there's a hidden meaning there."

"Like what?" Yoite's voice held a faint trace of amusement.

"Like… maybe Yukimi-san needs to watch his back, 'cause Hattori-san- he could be the leopard- is ready to pound on him."

This time, the trace of amusement was more like an actual note when Yoite answered. "I can imagine that, actually. But I don't think Yukimi needs to worry right now."

"He could, though."

"So you've taken up cloud-reading now?"

"Perhaps I have. I could make money off of it, since it's more novel than tea-reading." Then Miharu realized just what they were saying, and this time didn't even try to hide a smile. "Yoite, did you just make a joke?"

Yoite blinked in surprise. "I… suppose so. And… you replied with another?"

"Yep."

Miharu turned his attention back to the clouds at that time. "Do you see any others that look promising?"

"… There's one that seems to be a top hat…"

"Is there a rabbit under it?"

"Pardon?"

"Sorry, I was trying to make another joke."

"… Intentionally?"

"Yeah, but it obviously didn't work. Anything else?"

"… Next to it… One that looks to be a sort of- of misshapen carrot…"

If he had been anyone else, doubtless Miharu would have snorted at that. "A misshapen carrot? Nice."

"Thanks?"

"You're welcome."

This was entertaining. Perhaps they should do it more often. Hmm, maybe he should tell Tobari-sensei to go cloud-watching with Hanabusa-san- no, tell Hanabusa-san that it would calm Sensei down if she took him cloud-watching; that would be even better. Then perhaps tag along…

Devilish ideas sprang into the young teenager's mind as he let his thoughts drift away with the clouds overhead. Both he and his friend were silent for a time, while the wind blew the white clouds along and rustled the grass, tugging lightly at their clothes and hair.

Eventually, Miharu sighed heavily and turned on his stomach, staring down at the unmoving Yoite. "Why can't every day be like this?" he wondered, almost rhetorically. "If only Nabari wasn't such a complicated world…"

"If it wasn't, things would certainly be different," the other responded dryly. For once, his eyes were visible, his hat in his hands, which were folded upon his chest.

"Yeah… I could be a normal person, leading a normal life with a normal family."

"Is 'normal' really so wonderful?" Yoite sounded absently curious.

"… It's certainly a lot more peaceful…" Miharu trailed off, considering it.

Once again silence reigned, until it was dethroned by a quiet comment from Yoite, his words barely audible over the cool breeze. "Perhaps," he murmured, "If things were 'normal,' if Nabari were not in existence… we wouldn't know…"

He didn't finish his sentence; he didn't have to. The unspoken words discomforted Miharu, but he only sighed.

"I suppose 'normal' is overrated," he said firmly. "So let's enjoy this while we can." Then, "Hey, that one looks like a cat!"

-----
DONE

cooper union portfolio stuff

2010-04-16T21:13:00.002-04:00

this is wat the current project looks like:

it still needs more touching up but i think it looks fine so far.

nishi~

2010-03-28T20:33:00.004-04:00

............kurukuru HEY!
"ella ella ella ey ey ey under mah umbrella HEY!"

just fun stuff

spring break~

2010-03-28T17:45:00.003-04:00

HELLOOOOO SPRING BREAK~ (hehe imma little late)

Had fun yesterday with Amy, Annie, Nana, and Ruole (Nana's cuzin)~
Went to Sephora and watched Alice inh Wonderland.
Johnny Depp was sexy as usual. The girl playing Alice was...boring really. She looked rly sick in the beginning all pale and dark bags and all.
But when Amy and I were about to leave on the train she realized that she left her 30$ worth of makeup in the theater. She ended up not finding it. [such a waaaste of 30 bucks...]

anyways~ MY PLANS FOR SPRING BREAK
Monday - PARTAY AT THE BESTIE'S. cause his parents are nice and off in Pari~
Tuesday - Health Project Movie filming (?)
Wednesday - Bronx Zoo (?) with Vionna and Diana
Thursday - Out with the Salkies (?)
Friday - Bowling in Queens (?)
Saturday - Partying it LOUD
Sunday - I have a feeling this is Easter and I should go out to Central Park to wander and have a yummy picnic....
Monday/Tuesday - Sephora AGAIN with Amy. Cause we likes our makeup.

Most of this stuff isn't finalized which is why I'm spazzing a little but watevs. I get worried for no reason ALLLL the time.

labels

2010-03-24T04:29:00.003-04:00

For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO(tional), so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO.
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
Im a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction
Im a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude
Im STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil (So I’ve been told)
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE.. So I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED.
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish.
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I an friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.

Dirty Noises

2010-03-20T20:31:00.003-04:00

My promised cracktastical Naruto fanfic~ :D

You know those creepy fanfics where people hear "dirty noises" but they just end up being nothing? Yeeeeaahh.........
Beware!
:D

btw. main chara is Sakura. Just because.

Sakura was finishing up with her daily rounds. She'd already serenaded Hyuuga Neji at his window all night long (unknowing to her, Neji wasn't even home, and the outline behind his curtains had simply been a petrified Hiashi, thinking that she was the angry singing spirit of his deceased third wife), she'd sprinkled twelve garbage bags full of rose petals down on that hunk, Gaara, from her family's private helicopter (causing him to cough and wheeze and collapse beneath hundreds of large red allergy-induced boils. After twenty-six hours in plastic surgery, Gaara was told that his face would never be the same), and had even stopped by Shino's place to set his dog on fire (being that he was a weirdo, and weirdo's deserved to be PUNISHED... unknowing to Sakura, that had actually been Kiba's dog. Luckily, Akamaru was intelligent enough to jump into a conveniently placed bucket of water). Sakura was finally finished up, and ready to stop by the house of her beloved Sasuke.

Sasuke was usually Sakura's first stop every morning, but oddly enough, he hadn't been home earlier that day. She could have sworn that she'd heard someone moving about in his house, but as much as she pounded on his front door, strangely enough, no one had answered.

Now Sasuke typically lived all alone in a luxurious mansion, as mentioned in numerous Naruto fanfics...not that he was even the heir to the Uchiha clan - or lived in a mansion in the first place! Now, let's disregard Sasuke's tiny studio apartment revealed to us in episode 109, but say that perhaps after the Uchiha massacre, the dead bodies of his relatives had been stripped of their pocket change and handed down to Sasuke, being their last living non-evil relative and all. Sasuke in turn, took the money, and decided to buy himself a mansion, because he's just sooo materialistic. Oh, and he calls it "The Uchiha Mansion," because that just sounds so damn cool. Living by himself, in the isolated ghost town that had once been the Uchiha section of the village, Sasuke lurks the blood-stained streets on lonely nights, feasting on dead squirrels, and whatever other small woodland creatures he could come by. He regularly pauses in these quests to break down and cry. Yes...oh yes. Ahem, we shall most definitely go with that.

Anyway...

Sakura pounded her small fists furiously upon Sasuke's enormous front door. "Dear Sasuke-kun, where are yooouuuuu!" she cried. After a few moments of hysterical sobbing, Sakura noticed that Sasuke's garage door was wide open. Blinking in surprise, she walked inside, noticing yet another open door that led her into Sasuke's house.

That's when she heard the noises. Dirty noises.

"Oh, yes...yes..."

Sakura's eyes widened as she pressed her ear to the bathroom door. Was that Naruto's voice?

There was a tearing sound.

"Holy shit – what is that!" There was a gasp. "You have three of those things?"

"Come closer, dobe." It was Sasuke's voice.

"Oh Sasuke," Naruto moaned. "Oooohhhh, yesssss."

Sasuke grunted.

"Harder...HARDER! GIVIT-TO-ME-HARDER!" There was a loud thumping noise.

"I can't take it anymore!" Sakura screamed, bursting through the door.

The sight within shocked her.

Saskue and Naruto were...

They were-!

They were having SEX!

Sakura, quite stunned, decided to absorb Sasuke's naked appearance while she had the chance. His body was PERFECT! Everything seemed in order, except for his...penis...es...

Penises. Three, to be exact. They were each long and green, with a large glowing red bulb sitting on the tip.

Oh. And he some sort of mutant purple lizard-tail poking out of his ass-crack.

"AHHH!" Sakura shrieked.

The End

bitches

2010-03-19T03:43:00.005-04:00

Excuse the use of profanities in this post. plox~ :D
I'm PRETTY sure every one knows about "ebil cunt who's bullying pretty, nice Mabel" at this point.
Yeah. I think my name for her is self-explanatory.
Well that was until this morning (which was like 30 mins ago) when I decided to check up on dear Mabel's (who hasnt cursed fugly wench out yet. admirably.) formspring (because I have no life in the morning), and well there was something in REALLY bad grammar and stupid CAPS so I decided to read.

It said "holy shit you gots people that pitty you now just cause of what i sayd roflmaooo i pitty you too mabel cause none of thse people are really yo friendz GET A LIFE AND STOP CRYIN BOUT THIS ARTUR GUY HE WONT BE WIT YOU SO GET THE FUCK OVER IT!"

So THIS is my response to that. (I just wanna be a grammar nazi and shoot down everything this broad said using logic~ :D)

1. Gots is not a word. Sorry illiterate dipshit.
2. Pity is spelled pity, unlike your pit.
3. "Sayd" is another word that seems to materialize out of you nonexistent brain. Its "said" u still illiterate dipshitty broad.
4. "Roflmaooo" is "rolling on the floor laughing my ass off off off" again proving to me your inability to spell. You obviously need to loose some pounds if you are laughing your ass off.
5. Again illiterate dipshit, its spelled P-I-T-Y. I believe I need another word to describe your dipshitty-ness. How about dweeb?
6. You spelled "these" wrong you dweeb. (Yeah I like how that sounds.)
7. "Yo" cannot be used to replace "your". "Yo" is an exclamation used to get someone's attention, not as a form of the possessive case of you used as an attributive adjective. Sorry moronic dweeb.
8. Sorry but "friendz" is spelled F-R-I-E-N-D-S. Just so you know.
9. You OBVIOUSLY need a period after the failure of your spelling you call "friendz."
10. CAPS are inappropriate in this conversation because you are having a civilized conversation with gracious Mabel. Oh wait, your a bitchy cunt that is HARASSING MY FRIEND.
11. You spell "crying" with a "G" at the end you uneducated douche.
12. "Bout" isn't a word moron.
13. You need an apostrophe in your failure of the English language.
14. How many times do you have to spell words wrong you scatterbrained spazz? Its WITH. W-I-T-H.
15. Oh I'm sorry, "fuck" is an unfitting word in this conversation. Oh wait, never mind since you just happen to be a uncouth piece of garbage that's so insignificant Mabel shouldn't even be bothering with you. Why she is even dealing with irrelevant ants like you is puzzling but mildly entertaining.

By the way, your pussy comment was completely uncalled for. What? Do you expect her to respond to you immediately or something? Look who's talking you creepy jealous hypocrite.
Your disgusting use of the female reproductive organ appalls me. I hope you don't use yours regularly.

Now your name is "stupid, ebil, illiterate, moronic, dipshitty, cunt who's bullying pretty, nice Mabel"

One more thing. I bet your ugly.

I believe I'm done. ;D

normality?

2010-03-17T20:48:00.004-04:00

Today someone told me something that got me thinking. We were on the train and the train decided to stop on the station for a while and people were coming in. As asians came through (we were leaving school) that certain person asked me why I "couldn't be like the other asian girls" and I thought about it and I said what came to my mind (as I always do), "because I would hate myself."

Because I'm a complete compulsive worrywart about such things I kept thinking about it. Do people really expect me to be some (somewhat)annoying little asian girl while sacrificing what I enjoy doing (consisting mainly of cursing people out and being as loud as I possibly can) and what I am? Is being some nice little asian girl the only thing people want from me? Does being some overly self-reliant and crazily (to a slightly insane extent)...well crazy girl make me unattractive?

Yeah. I'm a questioning type of person.

But really all I cared about was being good enough for others to enjoy being around me.
So really. Am I good enough?
Really, I just don't get it.

I thought I shouldn't post this (because I seem like a total weakling) but I thought about it (for about 30mins). It might be nice to have some answers and it'll be...FUN! And you guys know how much I like fun~

hmm...

2010-03-14T23:38:00.004-04:00

just a thought but...would i be forgiven if i were to post a incredibly CRACKINFESTED fanfic based on naruto?
please respond.
because its CRACKTASTICAL.

well...as cracktastical as i could make it at least.

ps. i've been getting back into naruto (for NO REASON) so more narutastical shtuff will be coming.
maybe.

majorssss

2010-03-11T22:25:00.002-05:00

because imma PERFECTLY organized person

1. SSR (Social Science Research)
2. I.D. (Industrial Design)
3. Media (this ones a little iffy)
4. Architectural Engineering
5. Electromechanical Engineering
6. Aero(space Engineering)
7. Environmental Science
8. Law & Society
9. Civil Engineering
10. College Prep
11. Computer Science
12. Biological Sciences
13. Biomech Engineering
14. Chemistry
15. Mathematics

thats about it. the laast like SEVEN i dont even care about...
^^

2010-03-07T20:12:00.001-05:00

Smoked salmon is yummmmies <3

2010-03-04T06:06:00.001-05:00

Good morning everyone~ I just finished doing my hws teehee~ ^-^

2010-03-03T03:51:00.001-05:00

Bwahaha iPhone = supafuness~

2010-03-03T03:09:00.001-05:00

Mornings are ebil. Vewy ebil.

quickie

2010-02-21T20:29:00.003-05:00

teehee tech drawing project.
i managed to cover all the empty spots with paint splatters~

assTROLOGY

2010-02-08T03:09:00.002-05:00

ewwie. i did something weird.
u know those endlessly stupid astrology matcher things?
yeah. i did it.
cause i'm creepy.
T^T
like...hes an aries and i'm a (crazy) leo.
and apparently we're a very good match. (to the point where susan miller goes "yes yes yes". not too good of a response for me.)

I am Leo, My Lover *OMGCOUGH* is Aries

This relationship is a yes, yes, yes! You make a vivacious pair. Both of you are spirited, energetic, and enthusiastic fire signs with a fundamental understanding of one another. Your Leo lover has the same view of the world that you do -- vast, expansive, and ultimately your oyster.

This relationship is exciting, active, busy, passionate, noisy, glamorous, fun loving and flamboyantYAY!. It can be volatile too, since both you and your Aries have quite a temper XD. But somehow, you love the fights as much as everything else, probably because you have so much fun making up. Passions are strong in both of you; when you two get together, you light up the sky with fireworks! Pwetty~ Neither of you does anything halfway or without enthusiasm. You will have an ardent relationship but one of extremes.

Aries are ambitious, but Leos do not generally exert themselves unless conditions force them to do so. As a Leo, you expect things to fall into place. Your lover will marvel at this point of view. Lions and Lionesses say, "Why wouldn't I get what I want? Certainly I deserve it!" This is Leo's ego speaking. But realize that your Aries does not have this kind of strong self-image, nor the same expectations that his or her needs will magically be provided for by the Universe. Aries assume they have to struggle their way to the top. Winning, not how the game is played, is everything to them, and they are willing to put in a big effort, bashing their Rams' horns gleefully through the opposition and enjoying the spoils of their victories. Inside, however, Aries will wonder why you don't want to put in more of an effort -- an area to watch in your relationship. *COUGH*

You will admire your Aries' courage and ability to start new ventures in the face of adversity. There is nothing Aries won't take on if they feel impassioned, and they have a gift for motivating others to work hard on their behalf. They are terrible with details and so are you. pfft Hopefully you two can hire some help to do mundane things, like buy soap, toothpaste, or paper for the printer.

Your creativity will get high marks from Aries, as will your generosity and talent with entertaining, partying and networking. You'll never get grief from your Aries over too much socializing -- they despise staying home as much as much as you do. They don't have your penchant for the jet set or high living, and they would rather spend money on a new fax machine than dinner in a four-star restaurant. But when Aries run out of cash, they just figure out a way to make more, so it's unlikely you will have many disagreements about finances. Aries like to be self-employed, by the way, so don't try to talk yours into working for anyone else if he or she has just started a business.

You like to give orders, whether you realize it or not. This may give you trouble, for Aries don't allow anyone to dictate to them, least of all their lovers/mates. Independence is vital to Aries, so if you want to make one do something you have to make him or her think it was his or her idea in the first place. Aries may discover that they can actually control you if he or she lavishes you with compliments. I hear you protesting, but you have to admit it works! XP Aries can make you feel so warm and cozy that you'll let them have their way. Aries are very clever and as children learn quickly how to get their parents wrapped around their little fingers. Later in life, getting their lovers to succumb to their charms is a piece of cake.

In lovemaking*OMFGCOUGHCOUGHCOUGH*, you will find your Aries lover is the perfect blend of wild abandonment and sweet tenderness. Both of you want to be the other's one-and-only, but for different reasons. As I said earlier, the Ram wants to win. Coming in second seems shoddy and not worth the challenge. For you, being number one is a matter of pride. You won't concede your crown to any other beast. It wouldn't be fitting. My best advice to you, Leo, is to keep your mouth shut about past lovers. Your Aries isn't going to take kindly to knowing someone else has already conquered you. You like to reminisce about past love and admiration -- it never leaves your memory -- but to tease your Aries lover with this information is playing with fire. As odd as it may seem, you will come across as "damaged goods," whether you are female or male. Aries wants to feel your love is pure and unmatched by anything you have ever felt before.

This relationship deserves a "10" so go for it, Leo!

i feel like i didnt have to include the last "lovemaking" part
T^T

i read the "how to seduce" part of the site but i wont be posting that on here for fear of total embarrassment. >////<
the word "lusty" is quite scary.

formspring.me

2010-01-30T23:14:00.001-05:00

Where do you hide your dildos? ....and how many of them are there?

hmm...i wonder?~
i think my mom found them somewhere.
how many do u think i have?
not more than u i hope. u ho.

Is that like a gigantic penis growing out of your forehead? If its not, what would you do if it happened?

i hope there isnt a ginormous penis growing out of my forehead.
if there was i could be a unicorn! *o*
a sparkly unicorn.

Ask me anything

formspring.me

2010-01-30T23:11:00.001-05:00

Why are you asian? What if you woke up one day and you were black?

why are YOU asian?
i'd sleep it off and hope i'll be asian tomorrow.
:]

Ask me anything

formspring.me

2010-01-30T23:08:00.001-05:00

Would you rather be a walrus or a giant crab?

GIANT CRAB.
pincerrrs~

Ask me anything

formspring.me

2010-01-30T23:07:00.001-05:00

Do you have a brother? ....would you have sex with him? what if you were forced to have sex with either him or your mom. who would you choose? ...redneck chongchong

yesh i have a brother.
hes ELEVEN. JUST started 6th grd. so NO.
i'd rather have some form of vague lesbian sex with my mom.
HOHO

Ask me anything

formspring.me

2010-01-30T22:29:00.001-05:00

:D hi alysha. -from duck

hi duckie!
wat is it with people and their need to mess with my name?
D:

Ask me anything

formspring.me

2010-01-30T20:18:00.001-05:00

CHONG CHONG -_- <-- i made you

well thats...nice.

Ask me anything

curls as per usual.

2010-01-30T09:52:00.003-05:00

ITS CURLED.
again.
heeey sexyyy...riiiiight.
anyways!
i'm off to totos (flushing) to hang out with the jackie and the chris's (chrises, chris', i dunno what to call chris plural...)

:D

i curled the hair!

dont u love my sexy puppy-dog eyes~ <3
no not rly.
i have to leave in like........10 mins.

formspring.me

2010-01-30T01:50:00.001-05:00

Are you ready for TECHNICAL DRAWING? ^w^

YESH!

Ask me anything

formspring.me

2010-01-28T23:06:00.001-05:00

CHING CHONG NIP NONG WONG

sooooo mature.

Ask me anything

teehee~

2010-01-27T22:27:00.002-05:00

i've been in this unfamiliar perfect mood after the mock chem regents.
like "i'm on a cloud" kind of perfect.
if u were like shinru u would know about what.
"creeper..."

OMGAWD I SAT BEHIND HIM.
OMGAWD HIS HAND BRUSHED ME.
OMGAWD OMGAWD OMGAWDS
is how i would like to NOT react.
but watevs. i'm human enough to get the unbelievably evil heart clench.
can i cry about how stupidly human i am now?

o and he has walcott. as well as basically EVERYONE in the room.
so sad.

i love how i know him but he has no idea who the creepy (i hope i didnt feel like one since i WAS staring into his back/neck/head SOOOO much) girl behind him was.
at least he heard my name.
then again, he seems like the type to forget unnecessary stuff. like the name of a girl he doesnt know.

crys.
again.

anyways...after my total creeper-fangirl-fest, the test was done and i left with cerris.
cause i had to wait for chris.
who was a slowpokeintheass.
LOL. a slow poke in the ass.
i wonder what that would feel like.
i'll ask chris sometime.
since he is one.

since SOMEONE got her fone taken away (but it MIRACULOUSLY reappeared later when she called chris...) and hoho was a latebutt, chris and i ended up wandering over to kinokuniya...
-__- total fail.

after like 20mins or so hoho shows up somewhere and chris decides to direct him towards the window we were standing at which took a good 5 minutes.
again. total. fail.

so we ended up watching LEGION which was pretty good if you dont count the absolute failure of an ending and the creepy grandma...
and thats why i hate old people.
smelly smelly things.

then we did what we're good at. WANDERING. which we did for quite a while.
then we decided that we were gonna walk to chris's place. which was pretty sexy.
very, pretty sexy.
especially the lobby.
i was tempted to jump into the water/pond thing but i prbly wouldve just landed face first. and that would just not be very nice.
but it was sexy. very sexy.

chris's place in on the TWENTYTHIRD floor. right in front of the elevators.
sexy right?
sexy is the only word i can think of to describe chris's apartment building. all the other words are WAY less fruity.

well...nothing rly happened at his place. a slight orgy, interweb messing with, and bothering chris while he was having his naps.
the keyboard distortion was fuuuuuun~

DONE.

PS THE ELEVATOR HAD A TV.
PPS OMGAWD HE TOUCHED ME.

dammit.

formspring.me

2010-01-27T11:46:00.001-05:00

What kind of music do you like ?

hmm...punk rock?
kpop & jpop pops up often too
:D

Ask me anything

VOTE

2010-01-20T04:41:00.005-05:00

ok, so Chase (the bank) is giving money to charities.
The catch is that you have to VOTE. I've already voted 3 times (only once each per organization).
I voted for CPAF (Center for the Pacific Asian Family), GLSEN (The Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network), and TWLOHA (To Write Love On Her Arms).

I'm pretty sure TWLOHA is currently #1 so I'm happy :D
but this is just the 1 million mark. After this will be 5 mill? Dunno.
ANYWAYS! VOTE DAMMIT.
I'm sick of people giving me crap about how I support gays and emos or whatever nonintellectuals spout these days.

PS. CPAF has videos up on youtube for our viewing pleasure.

CPAF International PSA: Celebrities "United Against Violence"

CPAF PSA: YouTube All-Stars "United Against Violence"

Kim Jong Il Loves Women (Pretty hilarious. Prbly cause I love Danny Cho)

There are also videos by people like Vanness Wu, Justin Chon, Bobby Choi, Far*East Movement, etc.

TWLOHA has their own channel consisting of just their regulatory videos.

I wish GLSEN had their own channel. Even a LGBT thing would be good ^^.

Anyways VOTE. I sound like those people during voting season -__-"
btw. Voting ends on Friday midnight EST

paints

2010-01-11T19:12:00.002-05:00

hello my sexy lollipops. hows it goinnn~
yeah
anyways!
painting just got finished today!
sexy ueda baby (kat-tun) being all sexy and everything.
yeah...

its mah aim icon

ps. face book commenting with shinru is beautiful
Me: being tanned makes me think of skin cancer. which makes me think of hospitals. which makes me think of nice smelling alcohol. which makes me think of ALCOHOL. which makes me think about getting drunk. which makes me think of liver failure. which makes me think of dying. but then i think, i couldve gotten the same result after skin cancer. which makes me think i'm stupid. or i just like long explanations.

ps. when i think of long things i think penises. and sexy words like gargantuan. =D

pps. gargantuan makes me think about penises too. just a little tiny bit. so does the smiley....

ppps. after repeating "p" so many times, i think of pee. ;D

Shinru: .. OTL

i luv u too shinru

chubeh bunneh

2010-01-07T01:05:00.003-05:00

i tried chubby bunny...(finally) after watching sowrongitsjason's vid for his collab channel.
u might remember him from my other blog where i gushed about his cutie-ness <3<3<3

heshocute~
him trying to say "chuuuubibunnieh"
kyaaaa~

i got 7 in mah face! XD
i decided to stop after my gag reflex kicked in D:

shitstorms

2010-01-03T23:08:00.003-05:00

yeah well, its the day before going BACK TO SCHOOL and i r pissed. like hellcat ready to jump ur ass in the middle of the street just to watch u cry about the rape later kind of pissed.
u know what, thats exactly what i'm gonna do to the ass that sent that stupid fucking email that started the entire fucking shitstorm. cause that kid just needs to be castrated. violently.

welcoming in the new year

2010-01-01T15:01:00.002-05:00

sexy face after a fucked up new year party.
people were TOUCHING it. like they havent seen crazy hair in a while.
after about 2am i just went to my friends bed room, kicked out a couple, changed, used the sexy pc for a few minutes and went to sleep. *-*

lets hope 2010 will be SUPA SEXY. ;D

happy new years bitches <3

2009-12-31T20:13:00.002-05:00

OMG ITS RESOLUTIONS TIME
sad.
The beautiful year that has been 2009 (no not really) is ending!

Well, my 10 resolutions for the next sexy year that is 2010!

1. Worry about school it IS gonna be junior year after all~
2. Get high SAT scores!
3. Improve my super fail Trig grades even tho it probably won't happen T^T
4. Tell Mr.Rudin that I don't actually want to do his shit for him again, prbly won't happen cause I'm so money hungry
5. Get myself into a good major preferably media but whatevs
6. Completely cut off this guy from my life not...HIM, the annoying one
7. Talk to HE-WHO-SHALL-NOT-BE-NAMED (not VOLDEMORT)
8. Stop bumping into HE-WHO-SHALL-NOT-BE-NAMED its just getting stupidly annoying now. I'M NOT LIVING IN A DAMNED SHOUJO MANGA.
9. Do my best to get into a class with HE-WHO-SHALL-NOT-BE-NAMED even if I don't wanna like him, I can still be friends?
10. Try my best to be a nice person the only catch is i won't be a "fake" nice cause that would just be...well stupid :D

HAPPY NEW YEARS MY BEAUTIFUL BABIES~ <3
SHINE FOR ME MY BEAUTIFUL LOLLIPOPS!

scaryyyyy

2009-12-31T01:16:00.000-05:00

i think i might have the scariest buddyinfo (AIM) evar.
really.
go! READ!

inspired

2009-12-29T21:20:00.004-05:00

This post was inspired by connie's post on her flele

I've had a flele for a considerably longer time than Connie (prbly since the summer ^^) but I prbly havent posted about it yet.
Maybe.
Or maybe my memory just fails me X]

w/e
I just got back "into" it and I've changed my flele into Rin (vocaloid) by rannsama (who i've known since...a while). You can change her OUTFITS.
I'll prbly change to a Len once she makes one ;D

sexy rin XD

thank you

2009-12-25T21:09:00.002-05:00

Thank you westboro baptist church for ruining my already ruined christmas. Thank you for making me want to take all of you, put you in a barn where you all SHOULD be confined in, then burn you down. Thank you for pissing me off in the most fucked up way by insulting someone I idolize and people who don't deserve your crap.

he was there

2009-12-25T13:36:00.005-05:00

Well, winter vaca has started (yesterday) but I forgot to post about it. (even tho I posted like 3 times yesterday =__=")

anyways, concerning the title, its about...the dude...that shinru knows about.

Well, I didnt see him the past week so i'm all like "aww" and "YES!" at the same time and I was gonna be happy the entire break as long as i didn't see him that LAST day. but noooooo, the world hates my guts and decided "Oh, he won't be taking the elevator after 5th and he'll just happen to walk into the same hallway Alyssa is walking in so she'll bump into his stupidly large back when he suddenly just STOPS to talk to his stupid friend who didn't have enough common sense to not stop infront of him to wave." I kinda sorta wanted to cry when my freshie laughed as he was walking to Fung's class.

I KNOW he saw my face that time cause he was kinda all like "what the hell..." with a stupid blank look on his face. T_T

Thennn, after 8th I walked my friend who has class next to him. i saw him...again...
That certain friend kinda sorta knows so she was all like "heeeey, who's the guy?" and I'm all pointing into his room like "ASIAN, LONG HAIR UP TO HERE" *gestures to neck* and she goes, "there are like 3 of them in there."

yeah
.
.
.
then i ran back to my class.

PS. while walking my friend to class, i got yelled in the mouth by Jimmy (Fu). It was my first time TASTING a yell. -__-

eww...i'm typing stalker posts like shinru nao.

MERRY CHRISTMAS~ <3

continuation

2009-12-24T16:42:00.003-05:00

a reeally long time ago (prbly around october) i wrote a poem and i posted it on fb. (cause i suck and didnt post it here) shinru and nana might remember it
well, i added more to it. an actual STORY (with members of KAT-TUN cause i just got their concert dvd and ueda was sexy. very very sexy.) and a prequel cause lots of ppl didnt know what was going on so, BACK STORY!

And also, I hope you like this present from me to you, even though my writing's sub-par and your eyes will burn when you read but still. 8D

Okay, now we begin~

Prequel: Clipped Wings

People often told him that he had an observant eye.
They would stare at his works and exclaim, pointing out little details that he doesn’t even remember painting and asking him just how he managed to see the little flecks of blue in the butterfly’s green wings, the blood-red lines surrounding the centre of the black flower.
And he would smile and reply the only answer he has.
“I don’t know.”
Because he really doesn’t know. When he paints, every little drop of acrylic paint flows off his paintbrush and onto his canvas, like it has a will of its own. When he paints, his mind is somehow shut off and the world is only filled with the paint, the paintbrushes, the canvas and the object he is painting. He only ‘awakes’ once the entire painting is done, and most of the time it scares himself how much detail there is.
However, there was just one little bad habit he had never changed for a long time; no matter how much he tried, when he painted people there was just no features on the person’s face. It was puzzling, even mind-boggling, how a semi-professional painter like himself could not even get facial features down on canvas.
Whenever he showed the completed canvases to Maru, his good friend, the latter would scratch his head in puzzlement (whatever happened to their faces?) and tell him that he ought to stick to drawing still life.
Which he did, until that day.
*
I saw you
Out of the corner of my eye
A distant promise
An impossible hope
*
He was bored.
Really, really bored.
So he did what he did best – call up Maru and plead and whine to him about how boring life was at the moment and could Maru please bring me to the park so I can paint a different scenery.
And, like always, Maru gives in.
Minutes later, he is sitting in Maru’s small car, complaining his head off.
“Maru, Maru, there’s not enough room!”
And Maru would cluck his tongue irritably, like always, and reply nonchalantly that the art supplies were taking up loads of room and if you want to complain take the Tokyo Metro instead!
Half an hour later, he finds himself near a grass-covered cliff near the sea, a place now so familiar to him. He slowly settles down below his shady tree and sets up his respective art supplies, hooking the palette on his left thumb as he gets ready to splash the canvas with colours.
When he is finally done with the first canvas, he examines it once again to see if there were any ugly, uncovered white spots. And that was when he finally saw it – sometime during his dream, a figure had entered his complex story, partially hidden behind a large boulder.
He looks up and spots the youth, not quite a teenager but not yet a middle-aged man, with a face of that of an angel. He sits, stone-still, letting the sea breeze play softly with the copper curls.
Intrigued, he sets a blank canvas on the easel once more and begins to paint.
*
When the sky turns a shade of crimson purple, he begins to slowly round up his art supplies and prepare to head for home. Before that, however, he slowly approaches the youth and asks for his name.
The youth turns, surprised, and replies after a short pause.
“Ueda.”
Ueda, he thinks. It is a nice surname.
He continues to stutter at the stunningly beautiful youth with copper curls, telling him about his name (I’m Akanishi Jin, but you can just call me Jin!) and about his paintings and canvases and jobs and would the other please come again tomorrow so I can paint with you as the focus?
The youth – Ueda – blinks at him slightly, long lashes covering hazel irises.
“I’ll try.”
And he feels inexplicably happy.
*
In this abyss
With no light
The wings on my back
Are soon breaking off
*
“You seem really obsessed with this place,” Maru comments as he drives his friend down to the little cliff by the sea for the seventh time in that week.
Jin smiles.
“That’s because I met someone really nice there!”
Maru eyes him from the rear mirror and chuckles. “Tell me about her – what’s her name?”
“Ueda.”
Maru pauses expectantly, but Jin is soon lost in his own little world, humming nonsensically to himself.
“And her first name?”
He wants to reply, but he simply can’t remember Ueda ever telling him.
“I don’t know – maybe I’ll ask him today.”
Maru smiles to himself, and leaves it at that.
*
He sits under the shady tree once again, setting up his easel and waiting for Ueda to come.
That day, Ueda was later than usual; he entertains himself by painting the images of the seagull eating a fish, the squirrel scrambling up a tree.
Even after the sun long sets, and the bright sky gives way to hazy grey, Ueda never turns up.
And silently, Jin wonders if anything was wrong.
*
If a place
A place without sadness exists
Please
Please take me with you
*
The next time Jin heads back down to the cliff by the sea, he wears his yukata; it was, after all, the flower-viewing festival, and he is by all means a traditional Japanese (even though he doesn’t show it at all).
When he reaches his tree, he finds that, to his delight, all the flowers were in full bloom, their pink and white petals dancing around gaily in the spring wind. He arranges his equipment quickly and did what he does best – capturing the story of plum and cherry blossoms as they waved gently from the branches of the trees.
He is barely halfway through his first portrait when he appears on the canvas, small and tiny and insignificant (yet standing out from the field of pink and white) as he crouches by the giant boulder. Jin pauses his paintbrush in mid-stroke, freezing the young blossoms in place as he abandons his easel in order to walk over to Ueda.
Where were you were the words he wanted to say as soon as he was within earshot of the youth, but the phrase fizzle and dies in his throat as he looks at Ueda, huddled together, next to the unforgiving rock-hard grey boulder.
Jin squats down next to Ueda and puts a hand around the owner of the copper locks, but Ueda flinches from his light touch. Perplexed, Jin tries again, this time touching Ueda’s biceps but he is only answered by the slight look of pain that crosses the latter’s face.
“Ueda, what’s wrong?” he asked, concerned, as he rummages in his pocket for some medical ointment. Ueda’s eyes widen at the little yellow bottle and he shies away, pressing his back painfully against the boulder as he tries to put some distance between the painter and himself.
“No,” he mutters softly, so inaudibly that Jin could hardly hear it. “No, please, no.”
Ignoring the latter’s pleas, Jin reaches out and pushes up the long striped sleeve, revealing ugly purple bruises and cuts that stood out starkly from pale white skin.
Jin curses under his breath. “You’re coming with me to the doctor’s,” he orders as he partially drags the youth with copper locks and sad, empty hazel eyes with him to his easel, at where he packs up his supplies and rings Maru to pick him – them – up.
*
At the doctor’s, Jin finds himself wringing his hands anxiously as he waits for what seems like hours, staring at the whitewashed ceiling blankly. It was apparently a slow day at the clinic; other than the old man huddled in a corner with his worn-out walking cane, there was only him.
When Ueda finally re-emerges, Jin springs up from his seat and asks the former how was he. As expected, all he got was a slight shake of his head and a muttered “I’m fine”.
When Jin goes to pay for the clinic bill, he is given dirty stares by the nurses, often accompanied by sympathetic glances towards Ueda. Puzzled, he lets it slide as he collects the medicine and gets ready to go.
The nurse behind the counter stares at him icily before passing over the white plastic bag. “Abuse is a crime, you know,” she mutters softly to herself, but loud enough for Jin to hear.
Jin furrows his eyebrows in confusion and leaves the clinic along with Ueda.
*
Outside, Ueda takes the plastic bag from Jin.
“Thanks, but I ought to be going now,” he mutters softly, before turning to leave.
Out of instinct, Jin reaches out and grabs Ueda’s wrist, letting go immediately as the latter gave out a sharp cry of pain.
“Yo- Ueda, I think you better stay over at my house tonight.”
Ueda flashes him a pained look, one that screams why can’t he understand? as he replies.
“I can’t, I’m not allowed.”
Jin pouts childishly at him. “But it’s late and the subway’s not safe at night and you might fall and trip and break a bone and hurt yourself and land yourself in hospital.”
Ueda blinks slightly at Jin’s (concerned) rant and gives in at the sight of the pout on the painter’s face.
He supposes that one night, just one night, would be all right.
*
Back in Jin’s tiny apartment, Ueda finds himself with an armload of clothes and a towel. “Go bathe,” Jin states as he points out the way through the maze of half-completed and blank canvases lying pitifully on the floor. Slightly disoriented, Ueda does as asked.
When he is done bathing, he opens the shower door and promptly gets ambushed by Jin, medicine in hand. He eyes Jin suspiciously, stating that I can handle applying the medicine by myself, thanks anyway but Jin wouldn’t hear any of it (you have wounds on your freakin’ back; how are you going to reach that?) and stubbornly stood in his way. Resignedly, Ueda pulls off the oversized tee Jin had loaned him and sits down on a chair.
“Help yourself,” he says gloomily as his lean frame shivers slightly in the cold air-conditioned room.
Jin eyes Ueda and whistles, more in surprise and shock than amazement. As gently as he could, he swabbed the medicine on the numerous wounds on Ueda before letting the latter get up and head over for his spare room.
As Ueda pulls on the shirt that was three sizes too big and turns to leave, Jin stares on sadly from behind.
So that was what the nurse meant, he thought silently.
Just who is the one who did all these?
*
If I could
I could laugh just one more time
Please
Please show me the way
*
The next morning, Jin wakes up to the smell of fried eggs and sausages wafting from his cluttered kitchen. He walks towards it, groggily rubbing his eyes as he does so.
It takes him a few moments to remember who was there and why, but soon he does and he is wide awake.
“Ueda, you’re injured, rest!” he protests as he tries to take over the preparation of breakfast, but the owner of the hazel eyes smiles lightly towards him and states that it’s okay, I’m fine.
Very soon, breakfast is prepared and they eat at Jin’s miniature dining table (made out of a giant canvas depicting the red spider lily with a plastic sheet covering it and makeshift wooden legs) in comfortable silence.
When they were done eating, Ueda stands up and immediately heads to the kitchen with the intent to wash the plates, but Jin stops him and takes the dishes and cutlery from him (it’s my house, and you’re my guest!). After Jin is done, Ueda is already back in the clothes he wore the day before and was preparing to leave.
“Thank you for your hospitality,” he says in a soft, musical tone as he pulls on the worn black sneakers.
“At least tell me your first name.”
A pause.
“Well?”
Ueda looks away. “I have no first name,” he answers in an almost inaudible tone.
Jin sputters on the cup of coffee he was drinking. This had to be the most absurd thing he had ever heard.
“Why not?”
Ueda smiles slightly, a pained smile that hid many other emotions.
“He says I’m not worthy of one.
I really must go now.”
But, if anything, Jin is more curious by the weird offhand answer he had just received. As Ueda turns the doorknob, Jin places a hand carefully on Ueda’s uninjured right shoulder.
“Stay,” he asks pleadingly, his eyes full of sincerity and promises like I won’t hurt you and you’ll be safe here.
And Ueda believes in them.
*
While Jin prepares another two fresh cups of coffee, Ueda busies himself with a self-tour of Jin’s artwork. He skims through a few of them, a hummingbird in mid-flight, a dog running gaily in the open fields, a violin lying serenely on the floor, lit up by moonlight. He examines them all, pausing slightly only when he reaches the more recent ones.
Like all other artworks by Jin, the ‘him’ in the canvases were telling a story as they flowed from one canvas to the next. He is surprised, surprised by Jin’s apparent flair in painting. There, in the canvases, little dark secrets rear their ugly heads in the form of almost-unnoticeable bruises, faded scars and hidden teardrops. He sees it all, the fights and quarrels, the smashed glass tearing across his skin, the alcohol poured like burning fire onto open wounds, the tearing pain he experiences on occasion when he wakes up after a rough nightmare.
He also sees the happiness, the fears tucked away in little grey shadows and half-smiles, speaking of times when he was happy and they would lie in bed together, with only comforting hugs and simple conversation and soft chuckles and no worries about being assaulted while the moon hung high in the sky.
He slowly comes to realise that he was not alone when Jin places a hand tenderly on his shoulder.
“Would you like to tell me what’s wrong?”
That was all it took, a simple invitation over a cup of home-brewed coffee, and soon Ueda finds himself sitting down on the couch and spilling dark, angry secrets he had never mentioned for god knows how long.
*
He told of their entire story like it was just a frozen painting on canvas; of the smiles and promises yet the threats and beatings. He told of the glass and of the books hurled in his direction, yet also of the sweet presents and endearing conversations. And throughout his entire story, Jin listens, never once turning away and offering a shoulder for Ueda to cry on when the story became just too hard to continue.
When Ueda is finished talking, Jin stands up and looks out of the window. “Hey,” he mutters slowly, but with conviction. “I think we should get you a first name.”
Ueda looks surprised.
“Tatsuya. Isn’t that a nice name?”
Ueda, through teary hazel eyes, still manages to sputter slightly into his coffee. “In what way am I dragon-like?” The unsaid words hung in the air between them, tainting the atmosphere with a heavy tone.
I can’t even stand up for myself.
“But Ueda has already endured so much, hasn’t he?” Jin reasoned. “In that way, that is courage by itself.”
Ueda feels tears form in his eyes again, though this time he isn’t sure whether it was from sadness of it all, or from the utter happiness of having someone who actually understands.
*
Some days, Maru calls up and wonders why Jin never asks him to be his personal chauffeur anymore.
To that, Jin would laugh and reply, “that’s because I found my ‘focus’ of the stories I paint.”
Every time Maru hangs up the phone slightly confused, but every time, every single time, he can’t help but to think it had something to do with that mysterious broken youth with copper curls and sad hazel eyes.
*
On Ueda’s birthday, Jin drags him to a bar, amid Ueda’s protests of no, I’m a light drinker and I can’t take alcohol, along with well-timed pouts. Jin laughs at Ueda’s reluctance and tosses him into the back seat of Maru’s car, ignoring the sulky look that came upon the latter.
Instantly, Ueda finds himself surrounded by four unfamiliar faces; he shrinks back against the car door, a sudden sense of claustrophobia overcoming him. They laugh, amused by his reaction, but shift slightly (Hey, Junno, you’re sitting on MY lap again!) to accommodate him.
“Self-intros!” someone (Ueda can’t tell who) exclaims suddenly during the car trip and the car is abruptly filled with five different voices, sans his own. Amid the confusion, Ueda finally learns their names; the one with hair cut closely to the scalp and wearing a beanie is Koki; the one who bounces around and gets bullied by said person wearing beanie is Junno; the one driving the vehicle is Maru and the silent, pretty one sitting at a corner is Kame.
Ueda thinks that, in the middle of all the confusion and the chaos, he could come to like Kame enough to talk to him.
*
At the bar, Ueda finds himself softly ordering a Sex on the Beach before safely retreating to a corner of the bar, sipping slowly at the sweet (yet tart) drink. From his safe corner, he watches Jin fool around with the rest, and even starts laughing at their antics some time later.
When Jin hears the tiny chuckle coming from Ueda’s direction, he abandons everything that he was doing and strode over to the latter, effortlessly lifting him up (hey, I was drinking!) and setting him down in the middle of the dance floor.
“Let’s sing the birthday song!” Jin erupts randomly, and throughout the bar people were singing Happy Birthday off-key, making Ueda flush from all the unexpected attention.
The bartender must have quite a good relationship with Jin, Ueda notes numbly as free drinks were passed all around (it’s on the house, just for tonight!). He takes a mug and swirls the translucent yellow liquid around before downing it.
Somewhere in the alcohol-induced euphoria, Ueda finds himself laughing and smiling for the first time in a long while.
What he doesn’t know (and never would), however, was that someone was watching him from the shadows.
Found you, my pet.

The next morning, Ueda wakes up back in the guest room of Jin’s house with a terrible hangover. He looks out of the window; judging by the amount of sunlight, it was close to midday. Stretching slowly, he picks up his mobile phone and squints at the screen with sleepy eyes.
Went to the park to paint, be back by dinner.
Yawning, he stands up and packs the bed before going to bathe. The cold shower feels good on his pale skin, the icy spray rendering him more awake than when he stepped in earlier.
After bathing, he heads to the kitchen and rummages through the medicine cupboard for some headache pills. Taking two pink-coloured ones out of their bottle, he downs two with a cup of warm water.
As he does so, the doorbell sounds, and he slowly gets up to answer it. Not bothering to look in the peephole – usually, it was one of Jin’s acquaintances at this timing – he opens the door, only to reveal a face he had hoped never to see again.
“It’s you,” he stammers, and tries to close the door on the angry almond eyes staring right back to him, but his muscles were frozen in place even though every nerve in his being was telling him to run.
A sinister smile greeted him, lighting up the almond eyes in a diabolical fire.
“I’ve been looking for you."

Spread Those Wings

There was once a boy
Who loved his friend so very very much
And this friend loved him back too
He tried to protect this innocent boy
But inside, the Beast ate him up
Little bit
By little bit
And soon he could not recognise himself anymore
But the boy
The boy
Innocent
Pure
Naïve
Still loved his friend
The boy couldn’t let go
Of a soul
Who dies a little more inside
Every
Every
Every single day
*
It hurts.
Kame – man, teenager, youth, adolescent, model – crouches in his corner, drawing his lanky legs closer to him in a futile effort to shield a part, any part of himself. He whimpers in pain as a hand reaches out and yanks his shoulder-length hair roughly, making his head jerk back, and soon hot tears fill his eyes, blurring his vision.
Kame can’t remember what he did wrong this time. He probably did something bad again, didn’t he? He was loving and caring and kind and fun and wouldn’t do something to purposely hurt Kame.
Yes. That was the answer. Kame was bad. Kame was always bad. What was it that he said? Kame, you’ve been bad, you know I don’t like you to be bad, you’re a good boy, but you’ll have to be punished.
He wouldn’t hurt Kame intentionally. It was Kame’s fault. It was always Kame’s fault. Never his. Kame knows that he was loving and caring and kind and fun and joyous and affectionate.
Kame blinks away the tears in his eyes and looks up, and is captivated by the pretty copper tresses and refined features and the ugly expression that just does not belong.
“Stop, please stop.”
Kame bites his lip as he realises what he has said, what he has done, and awaits his punishment for talking back. Yet it never comes, as the owner of the copper tresses steps back as if he has been shot and dashes out of the door, slamming it behind him and going off to god knows where and not once does he look back.
And only then does Kame allows himself to cry, to let all the anguish and built-up frustration and anger and hate and incomprehension to leave his body, racking it with harsh sobs.
*
And the Beast would beat the boy
But the boy
Innocent
Pure
Naïve
Let the Beast beat him
For he knew that somewhere
Inside
Inside the Beast
Was a smile
So bright
That it dazzled a million sparkling stars
A smile
So wonderful and pretty and kind
That the boy would do anything to see it again
*
Jin flips open his mobile to double-check the name of the bar with the one written in a message, an action that was so redundant since he already knew that his correspondent was inside, probably downing some hard liquor or vodka as he idled outside. Jin strolls into the bar and heads to the corner he – they – always go, and sure enough, he was there, copper tresses and refined features and everything else beautiful contrasting with the sad, bittersweet tears streaming down flawless cheeks.
Jin seats himself in the chair next to his friend, not doing anything, not saying anything (as usual, it was always like that) but only stopping the other from ordering another (his eight – no, nine, but who was counting?) glass of alcoholic concoction.
“Enough, Ueda,” he mentions softly, and Ueda, owner of brown tresses and refined features and everything else beautiful turns slowly to face Jin, as if he had just realised that Jin was right next to him. Ueda’s bottom lips tremble (very much like a young child) and quickly, Jin pulls Ueda into a tight hug as the latter burst out in heavy, fat tears.
Don’t cry now, everything’s okay is what Jin wants to say but he decides against it. His memory flashes back to the time where he was a lifeguard, and those mothers would look up from some trashy magazine, only to run over to their near-drowned child and uttering words like Honey, don’t cry, Mommy’s here, everything’s okay (but would never be for the poor child). Futile words, he used to think (and still does).
Because, for Ueda, it would never be okay.
But Jin never says that.
*
When the Beast decides to hide
The boy’s friend would appear
And the joy in his words would fill the air
And the boy would smile along
But this happiness
This fleeting happiness
Was never meant to last
*
Kame, all cleaned up, cuts and grazes and bruises safely covered up with concealer, waits and waits and waits and waits for him to come home.
But he never comes, and at three in the morning Kame decides to turn in.
Only when all the lights in the house were off did the front door slowly creak open, allowing Ueda to enter. Ueda sits in the living room for close to an hour, doing absolutely nothing, before heading up to the only room with a bed in the house.
Kame hears the light footsteps enter the room, and feels Ueda’s warm figure envelope his cold, shivering one and he relaxes in the other’s comforting touch, which held promises like I’ll protect you and we’ll be together forever.
And Kame believes in them.
*
Kame wakes up to an empty room, where the chairs are placed neatly and the pillows (other than the one he had been lying on) are fluffed, the clothes he needs to wear to the photoshoot afterwards folded in a neat pile next to him.
He stretches and grabs the clothes, before sluggishly making his way over to the kitchen. As he pours himself a cup of coffee, a blue slip of note paper catches his eye from where it hung innocently on the refrigerator.
We need to talk, the words written on the paper in indigo ink stated, messy and rushed, Ueda’s handwriting.
Kame feels his eyes filling with tears, but he furiously brushes them away (he couldn’t turn up to an assignment with puffy eyes) and decides to, for once, reply.
Kame spins around diva-style to retrieve his stack of pastel pink note paper from beside the kitchen telephone, uncapping his favourite black pen and takes his time to form elegant script on the piece of paper, tearing it off the stack once he was done and stuck it onto the refrigerator, taking up the exact same spot the blue piece had before.
Kame heads to the shower to freshen up before leaving for the photo shoot, his blue cup of coffee sitting on the kitchen countertop, long forgotten and undrunk.
*
As soon as Ueda reaches home after the photoshoot, he strips off the designer jacket he had been donning for the entire day and heads over to the kitchen. He spots a cup of untouched cold coffee on the kitchen countertop and frowns, picking up the cup and dumping the black swirl down the sink and washes it, before setting it carefully on the dishwashing rack.
Ueda hates leaving things undone.
He strides over to the refrigerator and extracts an apple from its corner in the extremely neatly-packed refrigerator, taking a bite into its juicy depth before slamming the refrigerator door closed. He plucks the sheet of blue paper off from behind the magnet and squints at the elegantly scripted words.
You’d never listen, it stated, written in a way that could only be Kame’s.
Ueda frowns slightly at the single line of characters, takes a stack of sky blue note paper from next to the kitchen telephone, and uncaps a dark blue pen and scribbles hurriedly. He uses a magnet to pin the note paper against the refrigerator, and at the same time, takes down the pink slip and stows it in his pocket.
*
It had became a daily routine for the two of them, entering and exiting the cold kitchen, writing on square pieces of note paper that were either crushed or, in Ueda’s case, carefully kept away in his pocket.
It was some kind of unwritten agreement, that they wouldn’t see, much less converse with each other even though they lived in the same tiny apartment with only one bed. Kame took the bed; Ueda, the couch.
(There wouldn’t be any more smiles to trade, any more laughter to share.)
*
And somewhere, somehow
The bond between these two souls
The boy and his friend
Disappeared
The bond which they all said
Would never ever disappear
*
The last note to be left on the refrigerator stays there unanswered, blue edges dog-eared, as if it was fingered many times but left where it was. On it was dark, gel-based indigo ink, which seeped slightly through the thin paper. Ueda’s.
You’d never understand anyway.
*
And the boy
The innocent boy
Received a promise full of hope
And he decides to leave
His friend
His kind friend
Owner of dazzling smiles
Behind
For he was tired
Tired
Tired of it all
*
Kame never returns home.
Not anymore.
Ueda takes out the stack of pastel pink note paper tucked away safely in a drawer, and flips through them one by one, reading the characters over and over again.
Ueda thinks of the promises he had made (promises he had never kept) and soon his vision’s too blurry to see the elegant script anymore, and he cries, for lost souls and tainted innocence and everything that he had unknowingly ruined.
What have I done?
Ueda wants to turn back the clock, turn it back and back and back, so that he’d never have to meet Kame, never have to friend Kame, never have to love Kame, never have to hurt Kame, but he can’t, he can’t he can’t he can’t turn back time. He wants to disappear.
And he, he suddenly realises that he knows how.
To disappear.
*
And the Beast
It laughed at the boy’s friend
“Are you sad?” it asked
And the friend could only smile
And nod sadly
And watch silently as everything
Everything
Everything he ever cared about
Was taken away
From him
*
Jin feels torn between two worlds.
He knows that Ueda’s been going frantic, trying to find Kame. He knows that he had agreed to help Ueda looked out for Kame. He knows how much Ueda loves and cares for Kame.
He turns and looks slightly to his right, where a young man was tucked safely under heavy covers, sleeping.
Kame.
Kame was in his house.
Part of him had nearly gone crazy when Ueda stopped contacting him two days ago, but just going over and telling Ueda that he knew where Kame was (in order to stop Ueda from panicking) would spell trouble for the sleeping figure.
One’s my best friend. The other, his lover.
And yet, I’m tearing them apart.
In his pocket, a mobile phone started to vibrate. Jin takes it out and squints at the screen. Message from: Ueda, it says, and Jin flips his phone open to read the message.
He flips the phone shut, apologises silently to Kame for leaving him alone and exits his house.
*
The innocent boy found a home
And a place where he was treated with respect
Yet
Something
Something felt missing
And the empty feeling inside of him threatened
To envelop him
In a darkness
Where the dazzling smile couldn’t reach
*
Jin enters the bar and walks to his – their – corner, but Ueda, owner of copper tresses and refined features and everything else beautiful, isn’t there.
Confused, he talks to the bartender, who rummaged in a drawer (all the while muttering about I’m not a storage bin and everything else related) before extracting two envelope. On them were hurriedly scribbled characters (decidedly Ueda’s), the first one addressed to him and the second, Kame.
He orders a drink from the irate bartender (Sex on the beach, please) and sits down to appreciate the drink, as well as opening the letter Ueda left for him.
If it didn’t say anything nice (or held empty promises), Jin resolved not to pass on the latter Ueda wrote for Kame.
His eyes widened once he read the first few lines.
Well, shit.
Jin shot out of the bar, all the while yelling back to the infuriated bar-tender to put the drink on my tab, old man, I’ll pay it later! as he started up his motorbike. Before the bar-tender could come out and whack Jin over the head with some wooden board, the latter started up his bike and tore out of the area to his – and Kame’s – home (wherever that is).
*
And the dazzling smile was to die
To fade into darkness and never shine again
Only then
Just only then
Did the boy realise what he’d left behind
The lost soul
Of a forgotten friend
*
A sleepy Kame appeared at the top of the stairs, rubbing his eyes as Jin slammed the front door. “Jin, wha-“
“Don’t talk, read!” With that, Jin forcefully shoves the envelope in Kame’s hands. The latter stares at the plain white envelope blankly before the handwriting registers in his eyes – messy, untidy, very decidedly his – in the dark, gel-based indigo ink.
Kame’s hands shake as the words repeat itself over in his mind (Kame-chan, Kame-chan, Kame-chan), but still he opens the envelope to pull out the sky-blue sheet of paper to squint at the messy handwriting, all the while reminding himself that he’s reading it for Jin’s sake (and also because he’s tired of empty promises and dreaming of a happy ending).
The letter, surprisingly, only had a few lines scribbled on it, and with every character Kame reads, he shakes even more, till the shake is uncontrollable and Jin has to reach out to steady him.
I’m sorry, was what the first line said.
Maybe this time you’d be free, stated the second.
And the third –
While I fly with the birds in the sky.
Hot tears spill, and soon the indigo ink smudges (to the point that the words would never be read again) and Kame cries. He feels a touch enveloping him into a hug, but he pushes it away.
It wasn’t the comforting touch. It wasn’t.
It dawns on Kame where Ueda is, and Kame sprints out of the door, to the destination that he and Ueda loved the most before Ueda changed.
*
And the innocent boy,
In his quest to find the dazzling smile
Forgets the promise made to him by another
And that other person
Can only stop and watch
The boy’s bittersweet tale unravel before him
For they (neither of them three)
Were never meant to be
*
Jin watches as Kame sprints out of the door to god knows where, picking up the letter that Kame had left behind. As he does so, a line of characters coupled with an equally messy drawing catches his eye from the back of the paper, and he turns it over to get a better look.
Smile, Kame-chan, it stated, and right below was a cartoon-style turtle with horseshoe eyes and bright smile completed in green ink (a feat, considering Ueda hardly owned any pens that were not blue).
Jin smiles bitterly, and suddenly he’s laughing, laughing so much that it hurt, tears streaming down his face as he cries (and laughs in a austere manner) for Kame and his best friend with the copper tresses and refined features and dazzling smiles and everything else beautiful.
*
Kame sprints towards the sea cliff, and sure enough, he was standing there, breathing in the salty sea breeze, a content look on his face. Kame shouts Ueda’s name, but the words are whipped away by the harsh wind, and Ueda never hears the words meant for his ears.
Come back, turn back, this time I’ll listen, I’ll understand.
Ueda gazes up at the sky, the royal blue silk of his robe shimmering softly in the light of the setting sun. He looks down, and it hits him for the first time that he is scared, but he can’t, can’t ever turn back.
He just can’t go back and hurt anyone – his manager, his friends, Jin (his one and only best friend), Kame (Kame, Kame, Kame-chan) – again. A tear falls as Ueda realizes the full consequences of his impending actions, but he can’t turn back, can’t pretend that everything is going to be all right anymore.
Kame watches, frozen, as the former steps forward on the cliff, and suddenly Ueda’s intent strikes him, like a bullet to the chest. He screams for Ueda to come back, but Ueda never hears them as the waves crash into the rocks below. Another step, and another, and another, and Ueda never falters, never hesitates.
Goodbye, the word rises to Ueda’s lips, and is lost into the depths of the wind’s harsh whisper.
And then, Ueda flies.

christmas gifts

2009-12-24T14:06:00.009-05:00

the gifts i got this year XD [pics from my fwiend's webcam :D)
vionna's sexy ring XD
mikuru beeeaammm! diana's sunglasses
sunglasses plus hattie from shinru
earrings from nana (purple & turquoise) plus the sunglasses i really love wearing <3

shinting's earrings have not been put on yet XP and well, i ate mabel's cupcake :O
i also realize that there are clothes on a fan in the bg... -__-"

i think there were more...and i'm getting some soon. fedex just doesnt like shipping gifts to me T_T

yeah...just an extra

"there are more fish in the sea"

2009-12-24T12:46:00.001-05:00

my friend told me something today, refering to the title.
u wanna know what i said back?

"the sea is f-ing polluted"

AVATAR: Not the Last Airbender

2009-12-22T04:57:00.003-05:00

guess wat. i watched AVATAR: Not the Last Air Bender on...sunday
it was good.
even with the slightly cliche plot of someone with bad intentions falling in love and revolting against the employer.
the visuals were BEAUTIFUL tho even with the slight creepy blue ppl make-out moment...

anyways, GO WATCH

habit?

2009-12-22T04:54:00.002-05:00

By drink three it seems that you are a mystery
To me and everyone in between
Your legs level as your head warms up to the blurry scene
Its a wonder that your body consistently redeems
A fiend of fiction loaded with a pack of convictions
I dig your dirty diction

Im convinced that the only reason why you procrastinate
Is to be, is to be fashionably late
Such a waste of time for such an immaculate face
Only due to a lack of a particular taste
I pace, I prance, I do what I do at any chance
I am the substance and you are the abuse
I just wish that you could choose
I refuse, I refuse, I refuse to ignore
I put you off long enough
Luckily now I see by the score that you belong to be on top...
If I swoop down and swindle your vote
Does it count just the same or does it trigger a revolt?
Rip your jeans for me, regardless of the placement of the seams
I picked the finest thread, the one thin enough to infiltrate your mind, body and bed

Oh! I'm so obnoxious
Yeah! you wish that I would stop it
Well! If you don't like the way it tastes in your mouth
Then please, go ahead and spit it out
I dig your dirty diction

Hinder or a helper
I have yet to relay to her
That I'm only good on paper
I'd prefer that she'd defer
I'd love to help your habit
But I doubt that I could grab it.

This is self imposed self control
So Where do I pay the toll?
I was once known as a wordsmith
Now i can't come up with anything worth shit
Do I look like a runner up to you?
I am the champ with far too many chips
I haven't even come close to do what I'm want to do.

2009-12-20T21:49:00.000-05:00

OK. so i didnt take a picture of the snow.
i was in a rush today and i couldnt find the camera.
i'll take one with my fone tomorrow XD

2009-12-19T18:57:00.001-05:00

OMFG ITS SNOWING.
pictures will be up tomorrow if i remember and if my parents don't shovel all the snow away before i can get to it XD

f-ing twilight

2009-12-17T23:44:00.003-05:00

When did a 107 yr old guy coming into your room at night to watch you sleep become something "romantic" and not "bloody fucking creepy"?
Also, when did a poorly written (not even) novel about a submissive girl doing whatever she could to have her (significantly) older boyfriend "love" her when there is obviously nothing other that the male's need to have a lap dog running around the world (namely Italy) and leaving her family for him?

And THIS is why i can't stand stupid twifans and their crazy pedophilic twimoms...

sexy meme i did on fb.

2009-12-17T21:01:00.000-05:00

TEN things you wish you could say to TEN anonymous people right now:

1. ur pretty f-ing awesome for a loud weirdo

2. you dont know me! T^T

3. old maaaan <3 i looove u~

4. i kinda sorta hate u but i kinda sorta dont wanna tell u... -__-

5. U FUUUNY~ cause u let shusan rape u like twice...

6. u wear bright shtuff that i would love but wouldnt be able to pull off T_T

7. hi mah sexy fobby stalker friend. (am i being obvious? o...and ur not...sexy)

8. heeeeey tiny one who i'll be awkward around once u turn...16 ^^

9. ur so cuuuuuuuuute <3 *squishy*

10. heeeeeey other tiny one. i havent bought appwle juice wif u the past few days T^T

*NINE things about yourself:
1. crazy
2. bipolar
3. bitchy
4. constantly pms-ing
5. writer
6. artist
7. sister (figuratively and literally)
8. a friend
9. shoe-lover

*EIGHT ways to get through your day:
1. smile. [THANK U FOR TAKING MY ANSWER NANA. even if i'm technically taking urs :]<3)
2. bitch
3. doodling
4. laughing
5. poking
6. hugging
7. writing
8. just saying hi

*SEVEN things that cross your mind a lot:
1. people
2. THAT one
3. "are my glasses fogy or is it just me?"
4. her. sometimes.
5. sexy friends
6. stupid freshmen
7. "i'm huuuungry"

*SIX people who mean a lot:
1. sexy friends
2. bestie
3. the guy
4. mom...even tho i dont wanna mean it
5. the one who cant help but get her heart hurt
6. myself

*FIVE things you do before you go to sleep:
1. check the fone
2. brush the TEETH
3. think about undone hw
4. close the lights
5. tug up the covers and go to sleep :D

*FOUR things you’re wearing right now:
1. bestie's supa big sweaTAR
2. pj pants
3. panties <3
4. .......................................bra.

*THREE songs that fit your life perfectly right now:
1. Brave Brothers - Finally (Ft. U-Kiss)
2. Three Days Grace - Riot
3. We the Kings - Secret Valentine (i wanna cry T^T)

*TWO things you want to do before you die:
1. to be someone no one else can hope to be
2. cry genuinely until i can't cry anymore. then i won't have anything to worry about after.

*ONE confession:
1. i stalk. like shinru.

TAG! anyone who wants to do it. tho maybe most of u did it already -__-"

new blog

2009-12-14T06:15:00.003-05:00

made myself a new blog.
that one's just gonna be techie oriented
all the normal everyday stuff will be on here, and mostly videos/art will be going up there :D

NEW BLOG

btw nana. i stole ur name cause i was bored and now i cant change it T_T

new blog skin

2009-12-14T04:47:00.001-05:00

i needed a change.
and i wanted to practice coding.
:D

isnt it pretty?~

list of ppl i'm buying for

2009-12-13T20:36:00.004-05:00

list (for ppl @ skeewl)~
i'm not including presents cause....i like surprising ppl?
no not really....

Nana
Annie
Vionna
Diana
Amy
Susan
Angel
Cerris
Xinting
Mabel
Xinru
Connie

putting the end price just to make u guys feel bad. (its not that much tho...)
TOTAL - 75.57

:D

2009-12-13T05:37:00.002-05:00

regarding my last wishlist post, the butler plan is scrapped.
i'm now gonna be walking around in a stupid maid/kimono THING.
the wig is still welcome of course XD

o and about the anime club's festival, it'll be in may(?) of next year on either the 1st or 8th floor gym. we're trying our best to get the 1st so no one has to go allll the was up to the 8th(NOT FUN)
there is an entry fee (for both members and normal students) but if ur a member its like 2-3$? not so sure about the normal students...
there will be a cafe (obviously) and the entrance fee will be an exchange for food (still not so sure because of the stupid NO FOOD SOLD policy)
anyways~ once things get validated i'll update but COME. anime club needs fuuunds~

:D

Wishlist? -disregard if ur not planning to get me anything >.>-

2009-12-10T22:04:00.006-05:00

just realized that its almost christmas so...WISHLIST!

1. FlowerbyKenzo Fragrance.
i like to smell nice? (i dont really mind but this one smells REALLY good)
buy the smallest one if ur gonna get this

2. Earrings
its been a few months since i pierced so~
shinting already got me a pair, but i can do with more.
preferably studs so i can wear them during gym ;D

3. Rings (?)
i dont have anything on my hands these days T_T
BIG RINGS. STAINLESS STEEL/METAL preferably.

4. unlikely but, WIG.
for the anime club's cafe/festival thing where i will be a butler.
all are welcome and it'd be one of those "once in a lifetime" things cause i HAVE to be nice. and butler-y
wig criteria- (very) long black/dark-brown that i can tie into a (low) ponytail that will swish when i walk XD
if u need a reference use cosworx's ivy in 1, 2, or 6
1 being black, 2 being dark brown, and 6 being chestnut brown

5. hats?
more beanies to add to my collection? :D

2009-12-10T01:37:00.000-05:00

just realized that my previous post covers my stupidly long new "about me" so i just need something to fill space =D

hi.

thank you o great shinru for making me feel like a less pathetic human!

2009-12-09T23:04:00.004-05:00

new song (not really)
Brian Joo - My Girl

Brian Joo has always been super cute, since Fly to the Sky. i never really like hwanhee XD

anyways, i've just told shinru who i liked T^T
why? i'm not too shure... boohoooo
actually....A LOT of people know him -__-"

she makes me feel like a less pathetic human with all her stalker awesome-ness =D

i get supaa bored @ night

2009-12-08T21:34:00.002-05:00

i should be doing hwhwhwhwhw but noooo, i'm just gonna waste my time here~

anyways~
2 new obsessions~
1. Brave Brothers - Finally ft. U-KISS (kevin&alexander <3)

and 2. T-ara - Falling U Male Ver
if only there was a guy group that sang this well <3

i've been posting lots of videos - -" hmm....

anyways! winter jam is coming....sometime soon. anyone wanna come with?
so far i have nana, sniggie?, mabel, and whoever else i manage to steal.
BUT stupid tzefung isnt fucking coming cause he SUCKS~ still <3

:D

2009-12-06T18:41:00.002-05:00

i havent been keeping up with my j-music so UPDATE!
akanishi jin (KAT-TUN) has come out with his solo project (a long while ago. i was just contemplating which pretty boy to pick, jin or yamapi. jin's sexy happy-trail wins over yamapi's sexy pecs any day =} )

anyways~ jin's single, BANDAGE for his upcoming movie BANDAGE (lols) is pretty good. the melody is forgivable and the chorus is memorable (for me) so its a pretty high ranking of 8. ^^

MV!

i love the part where the two (foreign) girls fight over him and he falls over XD
<3

2009-11-30T16:26:00.003-05:00

ok, theres this new variety show in korea called hunters or something where u hunt boars because they're overpopulating and destroying farmland or something.

link to an article - http://www.allkpop.com/index.php/full_story/preview_of_hunters_starring_kim_hyun_joong_and_jung_yong_hwa/

anyways, i get that they want to stop the overpopulation of boars or something but the tv stations are definitely portraying boars as some kind of rabid animal that needs to be exterminated or something.
in the video (in the link) they've obviously used effects and lighting to make it seem as if the boars are really THAT dangerous. adding celebs into the mix in order to increase the sense of danger is just plain stupid.
also, the PDs for this show stated that, "There are 170,000 boars in Korea and if we don't catch them soon, we could be in danger. Even environmentalists are agreeing with us. I hope we can accomplish this in our program." if environmentalists are agreeing with you, why are you making into some national spectacle. i'm pretty sure things like killing boars to make people feel some sort of false safety is not what a country needs.

you know what, i'm just gonna go with "this show is a load of crap." there, makes me way happier.

2009-11-28T01:08:00.002-05:00

After School's new song, Because of You
Gahee is <3 even if shes 30 and the oldest idol who's still active XD

damn, the newbie has lots of solos.

2009-11-25T12:15:00.001-05:00

I'm such a fucking hothead.

2009-11-25T11:21:00.001-05:00

Freshmen are disgusting immature bastards that enjoy sucking dick.

2009-11-22T01:22:00.004-05:00

lately i keep remembering that tyra episode about bi-racialism and i couldnt help but think of this song.
yes i watch tyra. sometimes.
Tasha (Yoon Mirae)is probably my favorite woman in the world and I commend her for being such a strong female in a country that doesnt fully accept people for their race seeing as how Korea is made up of about 98% asian. Shes half African-American and half Korean. I heard this song back in 2007 and I looked up the lyrics. This kind of stuff make me want to just tear up and cry. If you read them you can kinda understand a tiny bit of her pain, just the kind of music I love.

Give it a listen and since there are lyrics provided (CC) you now know what it means~

btw. its self-composed.

2009-11-20T22:30:00.002-05:00

I havent posted in 13 days. Yes. I counted.

Well, I'm only posting cause there's been an influx of BAD news EVERYWHERE.
1. Daul Kim is RIP. T^T
I hate it when one of my fave ppl in the ENTIRE world just leaves without telling anyone. I'm also the type of person who automatically goes "WHY THE HELL would u commit something as useless as suicide when you could be doing something much more productive." but someone has left the world and I don't want to be the one who defiles the dead. Its just not very respectful now is it?
2. Just failed the trig test with about a 30. prbly. I just know it tho. I calculated.
3. My "love" life is a crap-bucket of crap. yes, a crap-bucket. For those one-two people who know and enjoy taunting me about it, CHUT UP, and those who don't, :D i love u way more than the other two. <3

Damn I'm such a fucking girl sometimes.

Anyways, RIP Daul Kim, you will always be one of my favorite models ever.

'Death always makes you contemplate the "meaning" of life.'

2009-11-07T18:38:00.002-05:00

ok, i dont care about u people wanting a damned dislike button. u call join as many fucking groups as u want but I DONT CARE. it doesnt make sense to make a damned button promoting bitchyness and fb has enough stupid problems without having to listen to u annoying bitches bitch about making a button so u can bitch more. FB IS A SOCIALIZING SITE NOT MADE FOR CRAZIES WHO WANNA GET YELLED AT BY THEIR FRIENDS. and u wonder why fb isnt listening to u.

fuck people have no common sense.

2009-10-24T21:00:00.002-04:00

why do i have so many things to plan. stupid photoshoot. stupid missing makeup brushes. stupid models who dont know how to do their own makeup. stupid stupid stupid.

=D

2009-10-18T20:27:00.002-04:00

ok...some people might (or might not) know that kangin from suju (super junior) is now on hiatus.
i'm pretty pissed. not cause SME put him on hiatus. i pissed at all the stupid elfs who think he shouldnt be punished. he has a DUI for gods sake. he drove into a damned taxi with 3 people in there. (http://www.allkpop.com/index.php/full_story/kangin_in_dui_accident/)
people who say that the only reason this is public is cause hes an idol and that if he wasnt he wouldnt have to be humiliated like this.
HELLO?! DO U NOT SEE THE PEOPLE WHO GET DUIs?! THEY HAVE TO GO TO A TRIAL AND IN SOME CASES THEY HAVE TO GO TO JAIL IF THEY INJURE SOMEONE. KANGIN'S JUST LUCKY HE DIDNT KILL ANYONE.

god dammit.

ps. those people who say that with him on hiatus suju wont be themselves or w/e that crap is. DONT U PEOPLE REMEMBER THE DAMN "ONLY 13 ACT"? all u stupid fans are just overshadowing good judgment with the idea that ur idols are perfect. live with the fact that theyre also stupid humans who make mistakes. let him take his punishment and he'll come back to fulfill ur stupid fantasys. then he'll just get in trouble again.
someone who doesnt have enough responsibility to keep himself out of trouble after an assault case shouldnt be an idol.

def of idol - any person or thing regarded with blind admiration, adoration, or devotion

dont idolize someone who doesnt even think of you.

2009-10-09T00:24:00.002-04:00

cause i'm weird
click it~

2009-10-06T21:47:00.003-04:00

cause DT is sexy and Tasha's SEXY and Rakim is...not that sexy but STILL.
only putting this on cause i just realized that Rakim *FANGIRL* ft. on here. i'm so sad i couldn't recognize his voice. T^T
i think i put up the Tasha part a while ago but this is the FULL song XD

the annotations are random and dont have to be read. just some legal stuff.

ALSO~
theres this guy i just discovered (cause i'm slow like that) on youtube. he has this really nice smooth voice and he can reach these awesome high notes~ he also mixes and mashes his own music.

this is his mix of Epik High (! <3)'s and G-Dragon (=___=")'s Breathe.

his channel is : http://www.youtube.com/user/cityincolors check him out~

2009-09-25T21:37:00.002-04:00

Girl: Maybe I'll see you, so I wear the clothes you bought me. Cut my hair short the way you liked it. To walk the road I walked with you, I walk around the long way, thinking maybe you'll be there. I kept my old phone number. Maybe you'll try to find me again, my house still the same. On my blog, the songs we used to listen together.

Maybe you'll see me, maybe you'll come back.

Guy: Maybe I'll see you.Maybe your heart will shake at that road. Worrying that my heart will become weak, worrying that you'll see my bone-skinny state, I avoided that road I walked with you. I walked the long way, thinking you'd be there. I changed my phone number, I moved houses, thinking I'll think of you. But still unspeakable words leak from my mouth.

Maybe I'll see you, maybe you'll come back.

"Let's start again," I want to say to you. I can't see you nor hear you but I'm still holding on to you.

Getting soaked by the pouring rain, I go to the place where we first met. I feel so pathetic. The warm place is still there in my heart.Can you endure any more?Then I'll endure a little more. But it takes more effort than I thought, I loved you too much. I tried my best, but it's impossible.

Maybe I'll see you by coincidence. Maybe you'll see me. I wipe my tears, looking at myself in the mirror.

Maybe you'll come back

2009-09-24T22:08:00.004-04:00

Westboro Baptist Church Protest at Brooklyn Tech from OutAboutBrooklyn on Vimeo.

video coverage of the protest from Out About Brooklyn

too bad they didnt have the coverage of "WE LIKE PENIS" or any of the chants so its pretty boring. >.<

still
super proud of my techies today XD

2009-09-22T23:21:00.004-04:00

"Don't lose me."

"Don't say it. You can say 'don't forget me' but telling me not to lose you is like telling me not to let go. Like telling me we actually had something."

ugh i'm all depressed cause i keep watching WGM over and over again. T^T

"I hope your love is always happy. Goodbye."

"Thanks for making good memories with me." "For not treating you well, sorry."

i kinda want to make this tiny quote that i'll always put after an entry.
like a siggie? too bad blogs dont have that function.

omg the vma's were hilarious~

2009-09-14T18:08:00.000-04:00

whatthebuck's video on the vmas. cause i love him and hes gay and he talks super fast <3

2009-09-11T22:58:00.003-04:00

I’m trying to erase your scent now,
I’m trying to forget your touch now,
Why did you have to be like that?
I can’t believe it, in the end you were that sort of guy.

NEW SCHEDULE

2009-09-09T19:04:00.003-04:00

my new sophomore 2-9 schedule!~

2 - Chem [Walcott betch] (1-10) with amy and my new friends (amy's friends) victoria and tiffany =D
3 - PE [Licitra] (2-5, 7-10) same ppls as above^ and cerris~
3 - Chem Lab [Walcott betch again] (1, 6) no one yet
4 - LUNCH!!~ LOTS OF PPLS I KNOW~
5 - Global [MR. K! awesomeness] (1-10) EDGAR! and christina mooooon
6 - Trig. [crazy Nguyen who shouts a lot. and its not even mean shouting...its just shouting...] (1-10) NO ONE! except for the new friend i made...who sits faaaar away.
7 - Chinese [scary Tong...] (1-10) chinese class with all the chinese-ys
8 - Soph Tech [McCollum] (1-10) SHIMIZUUUUU gah only one person...so sad T^T
9 - English~ [crazy person...Rudin?] (1-10) AMMIE REBECCA and CERRIS!~ o and the kid who used to be in weber's. damn...forgot his name.

yay~ sophomore year seems pretty fun

ps. i put class #s but realized that putting classrooms is not that smart

2009-09-04T12:34:00.002-04:00

No Title (yet)

Brushstrokes of heaven descended painting a picture of you and me. But the Gods have a dark sense of irony, creating a canvass of contradictions, splattering colors and shapes that simply can’t be fitted together.

We are fascinated, all of us, by the implacable otherness of others. You look at me and see darkness. I look at you and see light. Like two moths flying blindly toward the vortex of destruction, we both understand from the beginning that our story was meant to be tragic. And yet we still got ourselves entangle in that complicated web, fighting to stay in while trying desperately to get out.

Others think you’re weak and I’m strong. But I know that I will never have the courage to shed the tears that you have shed. I alone know your weakest moment is equivalent to my point of greatest strength.

And as I begin to lay siege to your heart, the beating of which had begun to fade, I wonder if I posses the courage to see it through. You being your inexplicable self attempt a final assault, one last attempt at serenity. Words collide and frictions form between the space separating you and me, creating silver bullets that pierce the shield guarding our hearts. But this is not a war that will end with victory parades or mournful widows. This war will end with the regret of a thousand memories.

But we are powerless creatures who cannot stop the hand of time and liberate each other from life. And so that winter kiss continues to linger like a painful memory on my lips.. When separation comes, I feel it deep within my bone the fact that I shall never be taken by such a kiss again. For it was a kiss of deep reverence, a kiss that only two people such as you and I can create, mixing both blessing and a curse in one timeless fervent moment.

And finally I understand that…

Love cannot be enough. Which is the truth. The saddest thing of all.

----------
Hydrangea

You look at the scene in front of you and wonder why did it came to this. You think about the many winding paths that you took, the detours that you made, and the shortcuts that you gambled with. You were so full of hope back then for no one told you that at the end of the road, there’s only heartbreak.

“And are you well?”

You tried to form an answer, except you’re too distracted by the longer fringe across the other’s forehead, by the addition of a soft crease around the left eye, and by the myriads of changes that you were not there to witness. And your heart hurt more at that realization than you expected.

Dusk slowly retreats to give room for darkness and yet you’re still rooted to the same spot. If you close your eyes, you could almost smell the ghostly fragrant of last summer’s blooms. You gaze down at the barren patch of earth and you want to weep for what once was.

You said your goodbyes at the corner where the hydrangea bloomed. It was raining leaves that night due to the sudden gust of wind that came out of the northeast. When you saw all the things that both of you carry on your back to make a living, you couldn’t smile well. Within yourself, you moved towards a spiral of regret.

And the rain started to fall, your homes were in different places but there was only one umbrella. Because you didn’t want to get wet, you said goodbye.

If you turn the corner where the hydrangea bloomed, you will reach the other’s room but that distance is now far away.

Too far away.

2009-09-03T00:25:00.004-04:00

new MV for f(x)'s Lachata
i'm actually mildly interested. unlike 4minute's new song Muzik. i only like one person in there anyways(Jiyoon) the rest are unknown to me. Amber <3 (yay to ambiguous genders!), Luna, and Krystal seem pretty interesting (in f(x)) the rest i dont really care for.

4minute - Muzik just in case if u wanna watch it.

2009-08-25T22:29:00.001-04:00

fair on sat in bklyn message if u wanna come.

hit the aim -beinginsanesux
or fb.

2009-08-24T23:30:00.000-04:00

oooo and OTOMEN the drama is OUUUTTT~

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

2009-08-24T23:19:00.002-04:00

hehe. an update(?) on the previous post.
i'm basically living at ryo-tans right now (family problems and all that.) and it seem like his dad doesnt like me. (T^T)
i've been friends with ryo-tan since like friggin forever so i kinda noticed a long while ago. the rest of his family likes me FINE. i love his mom (more than my own), i want his little sister (sooo cuuute~<3), i get along with the rest of the extended family i've met but it seems like his dad just really doesnt like me.
not like he hates me. just he has this look on his face whenever he sees me (which is now almost everyday he comes back from work. he spends nights at the office or w/e). its like hes going *che* and i smile and be nice (unexpectedly) to him cause 1. hes my besties daddy and 2. he used to be hot. (yes, really. hes like...i dunno like 35 or so? i saw him when he was like 28-29 so...yeah)
btw. his mom is young too. shes like 33. got knocked up at 16-17?
ANYWAYS!~ ryo-tan's daddy doesnt like me much *cries*

o wells~ he has to warm up to me eventually =D

2009-08-24T00:11:00.001-04:00

ok. i'm back on the dating scene even if i love being single soooo much.
anyways~ i'm gonna try going out with ryo-tan again even if it has been a few years since...that kind of stuff.
ANYWAYS!~ we shall always be besties till the day one of us decides to kill him/herself (namely me) so even if this doesnt work out again we shall still be perfectly fine (again)!
anyways~ we went to the japan fair today (now yesterday seeing it is 12.15) and hung out at bryant park with the cosplayers. the maids were mad pretty today/yesterday. =D
i am such a evil bitch for loving the maids. XP

btw. why is the time on this blog so off all the time? -__-?

2009-08-21T16:16:00.000-04:00

T(Tasha) rapping to her husband(Drunken Tiger's Tiger JK)'s song Monster
i'm not exactly a rap type but i know something godly when i hear it.

2009-08-21T13:03:00.000-04:00

JYP - Kiss [by Chansung, Taecyeon, Nichkhun, Junho]
its only 1m21sec. i dunno why its long...
chansung looks especially tasty in this vid. junho and nichkhun have really nice voices in here. taecyeon is as beasty as ever~

btw, this was a pre-recorded performance

today is my constant rant/post day

2009-08-17T08:30:00.000-04:00

THIS IS MY 2009 HATE POST (KOWEAN ONLY. for nao until i find more shit to whine about.)

Shinee’s fashion fail
To tell you the truth, most of them looked pretty good. Taemin without that mushroom cut, is looking mighty fine. Jonghyun’s haircut wasn’t really working for his face, but he still looked okay. But of course, SM thought it was not enough.They had to do something. Like putting fake hair on their shirts. And tie-dye. Pastel-colored… leggings. And since they were so busy giving all the original songs to Super Junior and SNSD, they had to give Shinee some rip-off of American song. Why, SM, why? Why can’t you dress them up in normal clothes a simple wifebeater can do wonders and give them some original songs.
ALSO

SHINee - Please stop trying so hard to be…???

Ok, this one leaves me befuddled. I don’t know what the heck kinda look these dudes are going for anymore… Playskool village people?? Seriously, what on earth does it mean when you strap a Transformer to your face and glue plastic bugs on your shirt? Who thought that was cute?! Oh, and while revamping their style for their big “comeback”, it’s a good thing they decided to keep those pastel skinny pants. Nice work, fellas! Of all things, let’s keep THAT trend alive! However, I totally admire their talent – I imagine it’s hard to dance in those things without choking your junk to death. Watch that sperm count, fellas – we want to see a 2nd generation SHINee someday!

Ok...maybe not. But STILL!

Sohee
Yes, Sohee hate is old, I know. But… what can I say, the girl’s got so much to criticize. It’s just like, JYP needs to embarrass Sohee! He just simply needs her to do all these things that will just make her look bad! Kinda like how SM needs to do something to Shinee? Or with DBSK during the earlier days? Anyway, the point is, you should not sing Beyonce’s Single Ladies in front of thousands of people if you can’t sing. And it wasn’t even live – it was pre-recorded. And it still sounded bad.
Once i find that cursed fancam it shall be on here!

Lee Minho EVERYWHERE.
At first, it was “oh look Lee Minho!” but after 9823 fan meetings, 192819 photo shoots, 189218093408 advertisements, and 1 painful music video to get through, it was “oh Shisus, why????WHY?!?!?!” Since the whole Boys Over Flowers trend, we were bombarded with Lee Minho. And too much is too much. I don’t find him that hot anyways.
ALSO

Lee Min Ho - Please stop trying so hard to NOT be that dude with the perm.

I imagine it’s difficult for an actor to distance himself from his first breakout role. I mean, look what happened to Screech…he NEVER recovered. So, I’m sympathetic towards Min Ho’s frantic publicity blitz post-BOF. Still, dude is on the fast track to total overexposure - not that his management company minds feeding on his star quality until all that’s left is the lifeless husk of a promising young actor. Bottom line, I’m sick of seeing his face every damn where…no matter how handsome it is! He’s in every magazine and a load of ad campaigns. Now he’s even serving my morning coffee and glazed yeast?! Enough! He does know how to work some donut modeling, though…

The ultimate strike was that wiggety-wack CF for Cass beer undoubtedly forced many drinkers into a vow of sobriety. I thought the trick was to make alcohol seem cool? To top it all off, as though the media hasn’t barfed Min Ho into our lives enough, he’s transforming himself into a recording artist. Fine, go crazy with that, but allow me to make a suggestion: Hows about transforming yourself into…an actor with a longer resume? I’m just saying.

Kibum in It’s You MV (You know you’ve just wasted your money on acting school when….)
There was simply too much Kibum in this MV. He didn’t even have a part in the song, for god’s sake. And that face? What kind of emotion is he trying to convey?

Seungri in Lollipop MV
One thing I don’t enjoy is when one small thing (or someone) ruins a perfectly good song or a music video. If you didn’t see this, go back and watch the music video again. And this time, focus on Seungri. I know when I was watching it, it wasn’t G-Dragon’s silly pink jumpsuit that was making me laugh - it was Seungri and his cape. And the desperate attempt at ‘cute’ with toe lollipop which just ended up looking really creepy…
ALSO

Seungri - Please stop trying so hard to be cool.

I’ll keep this short, because I’m actually not fond Seung Ri. I don’t buy the whole “I’m a man now and I’m super smooth” shtick. I don’t care how many designer suits he owns or how many lady thighs he tickles, he still comes off like a discount Justin Timberlake. Maybe if he hadn’t bitten JT’s style so blatantly, it wouldn’t look so weak. He’s not nearly slick enough to pull off that whole “007” smugness.

G-Dragon’s Hair
You knew it was going to come up! Do I need to say more? G-Dragon’s hair this year has gone through a lot of mishaps. I know making a fashion statement is very, very important but when it’s making you look like a 30-something year old ahjumma that just got out of a catfight at the market over some limited sale event of bok choys (yum.)… well, it’s not a very good idea.

I'm sorry if i came off as mean/offending today. I just really needed to rant at 8:48 AM for no reason at all. :D

2009-08-17T07:43:00.000-04:00

It's funny.
Well... It's not funny.
But I wrote a song on the guitar a while ago with every ounce of my amateur might. I wrote the notation on some sheet in some drawer or in some folder or in some cupboard... I couldnt find it. But I sat down to play it and it was though my fingers had never forgot it... kehe

Sometimes when I write lyrics I make an outline or a rough draft as though I'm preparing to write an admissions essay. I write everything I feel, what I want to say, things I know about the subject etc. It's all real; I just kinda exploit what I'm feeling. I have tons of journals filled with nothing but scribble.

And sometimes it just comes. No miracles or no destiny. Simply: something moved me. Something really hurt me.

Anyway, what I am verbosely trying to say is that I finished the lyrics to a song I wrote a while ago.

When it comes to music I pretty much have an infinite amount of time, or none, but both are kind of the same thing right now.

This entry made no sense to me either. <(>~<")>

2009-07-27T20:18:00.000-04:00

since 2pm is my "thing" these days~

my dear 2pm dancing to 2NE1's - Fire

the actual video-

compare the dance moves?
o. and jaebum's chest popping compared to minzy's

u can skip most of the actual mv... =___=

2009-07-27T19:55:00.000-04:00

since i haven't been posting a while i got GEWD stuff this time~
well theres this korean dude name junsu (2PM) and he's currently in this scandal with this (in my opinion) insane thai girl named Waii or something.
anyways~ i shall link u to the very awesome articles on allkpop.com~
in order from date posted~
1. 2PM's junsu in a secret rendezvous?
2. Waii and Junsu break up~
3. The ex slams Junsu on FB!
4. [OMG] JYP's response!!!

anyways~ read and respond. is it real? or is the crazy thai girl just doing it for publicity?~

o and as a little extra: 2PM wet!~ <3333 on seoulbeats.com

credits to seoulbeats and allkpop

eww i am such a fangirl

2009-07-22T21:24:00.001-04:00

girl or guy?
i'll let u think about it <3

2009-07-15T08:29:00.001-04:00

Something funny. She feigned to be Harry Potter. Just something for u to think about.

2009-07-06T19:53:00.001-04:00

ok...ignore the last 3 posts...
when i post with my phone everything gets all messed up...
xP

2009-07-06T00:46:00.005-04:00

lesbian on facebook as soon as I get myself to a pc. Good Night my dears~
Ps. This is going to be a very annoying post on my blog later...